Dear Rodger—
I have a friend who is having an affair with a married man. The man and his wife are also acquaintances of mine and there have been several times that my friend has asked me to cover for her by telling the female acquaintance that my friend was with me when she really was with the married man.
I have told my friend that I am uncomfortable with this deceit of lying to the female acquaintance but my friend says that if I am her friend I should be willing to help her and stand by her.
I am tired of the deceit but I like to think of myself as a loyal friend. What should I do?
Reluctant Accomplice
Dear Reluctant Accomplice ~
If your “friend” is repeatedly asking you to lie so she can have a good time with another woman’s husband, she is not your friend at all. Stop lying for her, which will probably end your friendship, & that’s fine because she really isn’t your friend anyway.
Friends don’t help friends commit reprehensible acts . . . a statement that you have my permission to embroider on a pillow & sell to Pottery Barn.
Rodger
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7 comments:
Situations like this are not always so black or white sometimes they are very gray. One time a friend of mine was in a relationship with a married man. I knew all three parties well enough to know that the man would have been better off with the other woman he was having the affiar with than with his wife. He ended up staying married but I still think everyone would have been happier if they had divorced.
your advise is compeltely right and i totally agree with you and what you told the girl to do - it is not always easy to tell a friend something liek this tho even with it is the right thing to do so
The commenter Becky is wrong when she says this kind of situation is not black and white. It is black and white. do not help another person commit an adultery affair, ever.
i agree with marsha - lying for someone who is having an affair with a married man is not acceptable no matter how bad the man's marriage may be
also no one who asked her to lie like this is her friend either
by what i am about to say i do not mean to suggest that a man having an adulterous affair is unimportant because that is not how i feel but i think the matter of concern that the letter poster was writing about was her friendship - so what i want to say which is consistent with what rodger said in his response is that person 1 who asks person 2 to lie or commit deceit on her behalf does not qualify as a friend - she definitely does not whether the issue is adultery or some other crime like bank robbery or check fraud or a subprime mortgage false statement
That is right. If a person is a true friend she would not ask you to lie for her own benefit only.
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