FINAL POST: When There's a Job Status Difference

Rodger:

I am a lawyer who works in a prestigious firm. Last week I agreed to go on a date with a guy who is the son of a friend of my aunt’s. It wasn’t until yesterday, after my aunt’s friend told the guy that I had agreed to go on the date, that I learned that this guy never finished college and works in construction.

I do not see the point of wasting my time when I know very well that I could never take him to any of the functions (dinners and cocktails parties) that all of us in the firm are expected to bring our spouses to, so there is no way this could ever go anywhere. Am I right to cancel before leading him on?

Lawyer Girl


Dear Lawyer Girl ~

It’s unbelievably prejudiced of you to assume that, just because you’re a lawyer, this construction worker will be embarrassed to accompany you to events & mingle with all your low-life lawyer buddies, even though they’re pretty much the dregs of society.

OK, now that I have that out of my system, here’s some actual advice.

You have no idea what this guy is like. Just because he doesn’t have a college diploma certainly doesn’t mean he’s stupid, if that’s what you’re concerned about. And besides that, if you have hardcore parameters as to who you’ll go on a single date with, you should have told that to your aunt before you ever agreed to go out with the guy.

Go on the date & find out who the guy is.

Rodger

Defining the Boundaries of Dating

Rodge—

I know that it is unwise to date someone you work with because if the relationship goes bad, so will the job. But what about dating a neighbor?

Specifically, I just bought my first house. The guy next door and I have chatted and he has helped me out with household problems such as cutting the branch off a tree. I would like to ask him out, but I fear that if the dating ends badly, then I will have tension with someone living right next door, not to mention losing my handy man.

Defining Dating Boundaries


Dear Defining Dating Boundaries ~

It’s not off limits to date either a coworker or a neighbor. The “No Trespassing” sign pops up only if you’re talking about dating your boss or employee, or your landlord or tenant.

As for the possibility of a relationship with a neighbor going south, yes, you should proceed with caution & consider the potential negative consequences before asking out the guy. But as long as you & he are both mature adults who know what you’re getting into (and what you may eventually have to get out of), there’s no reason why you shouldn’t take the risk & give it a shot.

Rodger

Size Matters

Rodger:

My boyfriend and I have been having a long standing argument that I hope you, as a gay guy, can help me with. I know gay guys are a lot more sexual than straight guys so I will ask you my question: My boyfriend claims that he has a very large penis but I do not have any way of knowing if that is true or not, so how large is the average man’s penis?

Girl with a Tape Measure


Dear Girl with a Tape Measure ~

I am bracing myself as I respond to your question, not because I don’t have a good response but because I can already hear my partner Tom yelling at me, as soon as he reads my answer, “And exactly how, Rodger, do you know the answer to this question?”

So I’ll start by saying that I found the answer on the Internet.

And that answer is: The average male penis is 5.1 inches long & has a circumference of 4.8 inches.

(Unless, of course, you happen to be in a chat room for gay men, & then you’ll need to double both dimensions.)

Rodger

The Power of Porn

Dear Rodger:

My BF of six months is addicted to porn. He watches it on the Internet at least two nights a week, consistently having a “happy ending” by the time the credits roll. Meanwhile, he and I have a great sex life, which means we have terrific sex at least two nights a week. I don’t want to have sex with him more than two nights a week, but I don’t like it when I ask him if he’s been climaxing while watching porn and he says “yes.” What to do?

Porn Addict’s GF


Dear Porn Addict’s GF ~

How about if you stop asking?

My point is, (1.) if he were lying to you, that would be a problem & (2.) if his watching porn were preventing the two of you from having a fulfilling sex life, that would be a problem.

But from what you’ve said, neither of those possibilities is at issue. The only problem occurs when you ask him a question that you apparently don’t want to hear the answer to . . . & presumably, at this point, pretty much know the answer to anyway.

Rodger

To My Readers

I am using today’s post to announce that I will soon bring my blog to an end.

My plan is to post a handful of letters along with the responses I’ve already written, but then to say “buh-bye” to my venture into offering relationship advice.

I've enjoyed this phase of my writing life, & I think I may even have succeeded in either helping some of you readers or adding a bright spot to your day—sometimes, maybe even both!

But the blog writing process—which includes reading your incoming letters, thinking about & then writing responses, posting the letters/responses, & moderating the comments that you send in during the day—demands a great deal of time & energy.

So I've decided to put the blog aside so I can move forward on another long-term writing project that's been simmering away on a back burner.

Thank all of you for your interest & support--

Rodger

When a Couple Moves Too Fast

Rodger—

My BF and I dated for two months and then moved in together.

I now realize that we moved too fast and should have dated longer before taking that big step. It is not that I want to break up with him, it is just that I am miserable and want to date for a while longer and only then decide if we want to move in.

In a situation like this, can a couple go backward and still survive?

Jumped the Gun


Dear Jumped the Gun~

Maybe yes, maybe no. Either way, you have no choice but to try going back to the dating phase because the “miserable” state that you describe yourself as being in is simply unacceptable.

So, you have no guarantee that the relationship will survive. But, then again, you have no option but to give it a try.

Rodger

Identifying a Deal Breaker

Rodger:

My BF of three years and I are compatible in many ways. But we are on the verge of breaking up because I desperately want to have children and he adamantly refuses to have children. Now I am struggling because we are right for each other in so many ways, but I have always dreamed of having children and I just wonder if maybe he will change his mind about children if we get married and he sees that children are the next logical step so that we feel fulfilled.

On the Verge of Breaking Up


Dear On the Verge of Breaking Up ~

I’d put the possibility of your BF changing his mind about children “if you get married” in the same category as . . . “if my aunt grows a pair,” she’ll be my uncle.

In other words, if you place high value on having children & your BF is adamantly opposed to that idea, it’s time to say buh-bye & move on.

Rodger