Dear Rodger:
I am a 32-year-old man who is involved with a 51-year-old man. We have been dating for eight months and are very compatible.
I think I am “old” for my age while he is “young” for his age. By that, I mean that he likes to go out to clubs a lot more than I do. If he had his choice, we would go dancing and drinking three nights a week. If I had my choice, we would go out maybe once a month. So we have compromised on once a week. And that seems to work.
For a few more details, we both have higher educations and we both have professional careers. He makes about $20,000 more a year than I do, but that is only because he has been working longer than I have.
Even though so many things seem to be working and I really love him, my family members insist that I should be with a man my own age.
What do you think?
An Old Soul
Dear An Old Soul ~
Numerous studies have found that two gay men with age differences of 15 or 20 years can have very stable & long-lasting relationships. Also, I’ve known lots of fulfilled couples with the kind of age gap you’ve described.
As long as the two of you are happy with this arrangement, I see no reason for concern. Just try not to be such an “old soul” that you’re no longer young enough for him!
Rodger
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7 comments:
ROFL! indeed i know a lot of guys in their 50s who are much younger, when it comes to social life, than guys in their 30s or even 20s
Reading this letter has awakened me to a fascinating reality of how I think. If the letter was from a girl who was 30 and involved with a man who was 50 I would have a very negative impression of her like she was just a little trophy wife with no brain. But because this is a letter from a guy who is 30 and involved with a guy who is 50 I do not have that same negative impression at all. Maybe it is partly because the guy who wrote the letter says that he has an education and a career when I might not think that a woman in this kind of May/December relationship would work at all.
An age gap of more than 3 or 4 years is a problem. Deffinitely not acceptable if more than 10 years. Studies show this I am sure.
My guess is the reason this Barbara chick is so negative about a trophy wife is either a. she is too old to be one or b. she is too ugly to be one or c. her husband ran off with one.
i can speak from years of experience on this situation and say that this kind of age difference (or even greater) is no impediment to success as long as the two men respect each other and what each of them brings to the relationship - i am younger and have more energy so i do the organizing of our social life and such other physical responsibilities as the yard work and taking care of our cars and our boat - my partner is 20 years older and has more financial resources so he hires the cleaning woman and pays the mortgages on the house and the cottage at the lake - we are both happy with the sharing of everything - i would not be able to travel or indulge in as many cultural activities without him, he would never get out of the house and enjoy an active social life without me - it is an excellent balance for the two of us
i won't claim to have any great expertise in this area, but i guess i can't see why a difference in age should be any more problematic than other kinds of differences--in education or wealth or attractiveness, for example - no two people can be identical, so as long as there is an attraction and there are not too many extreme differences, there's no reason it shouldn't work
For whatever reason, it seems like, from the couples I have known, that significant age differences are very common and generally not a problem with gay male couples. They seem to be more problematic in male/female couples.
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