Dear Rodger:
My BF and I have been together for over a year. The beginning was great but then he started grad school at night. Now I want to move the relationship to the next level but we still only see each other on the weekend because he has a demanding job during the day and goes to class two nights a week and studies the other nights. I feel resentful because he won’t give me any more of his time and energy but he says he can’t give me any more than after work and school. Is it time to end this one-sided relationship?
Wanting More
Dear Wanting More ~
Your first step is to decide which of the following two sentences is accurate:
My boyfriend WON’T give me any more of his time & energy.
My boyfriend CAN’T give me any more of his time & energy.
If the accurate statement is the first one (he could make more room for you in his life but has made the decision to relegate you to just one little corner), you have every right to question whether it’s time to end the relationship.
If the accurate statement is the second one (because of the understandable career priorities in his life, he simply doesn’t have any more time to give the relationship right now), stop torturing yourself & accept that.
My final thought is that if you decide the second description is the accurate one, you could show your support by offering to go out of your way to see him by, for example, going to his work location & taking him to lunch one day each week.
Rodger
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6 comments:
excellent distinction - these differences in semantics really are important
even if this guy says he "can't" find room in his scchedule for her i do not find that feasible - if he cares about the girl he will find time
i can see there is a difference between can't and won't but there is still a grey area in there - i can't with out jeopardizing my grades - i won't because i would jeopardize my grades
one time i was dating a guy like this who claimed not to have time for me during the week because of work plus school. but he still found time to "fit me in" for a quick fuck wednesday night--his version of hump day, I guess.
LOL at maggie and her definition of hump day!
This girl needs to be very cautious. If she pushes the guy too hard to decide between career and her, she is going to have no boyfriend at all.
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