Dear Rodger,
I have found the man of my dreams. We have been in a monogamous relationship for two years, we still get a thrill every time we get together and we are never disappointed in the other person. We have had a few disagreements but have always talked things through before we have gone to bed that night.
The trouble is that I am 20, he is 21. Our parents and most everyone we know say we are too young for marriage. We will both graduate from college this spring and we want to get married in the summer. We have not lived together yet because we both depend on our parents financially and they do not want us to live together. Are we too young?
In Love but Young
Dear In Love but Young ~
Considering all the people who are struggling to find someone they love & want to share their life with, you first should congratulate yourselves for finding each other.
I suppose it’s now time for me to stop stalling & give you a response.
The issue isn’t a question of youth but of maturity. If the two of you have already had disagreements & have worked through them, it sounds like you may have passed the litmus test vis-à-vis maturity.
That still sounds like stalling on my part, doesn’t it?
Based on my many years as a college professor who’s observed young people beginning their lives as adults, two major pieces that have to fall into place to achieve contentment are finding a career path & a location that you like. And so, I urge you to wait until both of you are settled into jobs & are living somewhere you like. The chances are good that you’ll have taken both of those steps by a year from now.
More stalling on my part, you say?
OK fine. Here’s the deal: Graduate. Find jobs. Live together for a year. If your feelings for each other are as strong then as they are today, book the wedding.
Rodger
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6 comments:
i am a millennial so am basically the same age as the girl who wrote todays letter and the guy she wants to marry - so i want to say how much i appreciate the tone you used in your response - most older people would dis anyone who wrote a letter like this because she is so young but you treated her and her question with total respect - thank you!
When I was young, so many of us married in our early 20s and now almost all of us are divorced. I think it has been such excellent progress that people now do not marry until their late 20s. I think this should apply with the girl writing this letter. Wait until you are five years older at least.
It is ridiculous for some silly 20 year old to say she has found "the man of her dreams! She has hardly even started her life yet. She needs to date much much more before she settles down with one man or even considers doing so.
ditto what leah said that i am a millennial too and i am glad you did not dis the young letter writer woman but answered her question kindly
20/21 is too young for any person to even consider marriage.
Awhile back you said it was taking a big risk for a woman to marry a man in his 40s who has never been married before, well it is then taking a really big risk for a girl to marry a man when she is 20.
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