Dear Rodger:
I know your blog is for straight women, but I hope you’ll be willing to respond to my letter, even though I am a straight man, because I’m afraid I just made the biggest mistake of my life.
Last weekend I told a woman who is highly intelligent, extremely kind, has a great sense of humor and is extremely attractive that I had to end our relationship. I did this because it's been less than three months since I signed the divorce papers that ended six years of marriage that were a horrendous nightmare except for my toddler son who I have committed to making my priority for the next stage of my life.
I told the woman I broke up with that I had to end the relationship because she wanted a commitment (because she is 35 and wants children) and I am not ready to do that right now. She said she understood and had no hard feelings toward me, which was the right thing for her to do but I fear I have now lost the perfect mate.
Am I a Fool?
Dear Am I a Fool? ~
You are not a fool; you are a person of integrity.
You told the woman the truth, which is highly commendable. And based on what you have said, that’s the only thing you could have told her.
When you feel like you’re ready to make a commitment to the woman, I encourage you to make an effort to reconnect with her. She may, at that point, still be interested in picking up on her relationship with you. Then again, she may have moved on. Whatever happens, you should be proud of yourself for having done the right thing vis-à-vis your son.
Rodger
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9 comments:
i want this man! i want to have kids some day but it doesnt have to be this year for a decent man like this i am happy to wait a couple years!
Thank you very much for this measured and serious response. I appreciate your humor well enough, but some letter writers need serious and substantive responses, and this man was one of them.
I am very suspicious of this guy. He has a toddler so he left his wife right after the baby was born. Now he has (only six months after his divorce) led a woman on to the point that she thinks he is going to marry her but now he dumps her. Plus he wrote in a letter that his marriage sucked. Add it all up and this guy sounds like a lot of trouble to me.
why not adoption
i just want to say "ditto" on your heading about timing being everything - it really is - sometimes you remember back of when you were dating a particular guy and you weren't interested in anything long term with him at all, but now you realize that was really because you weren't interested in anything long term . . . period, with anybody, because of the place you were in then - now you think, boy, if that guy was around today, i would totally tie him up and never let him go!
FWIW, i think the guy is a fool - if this woman is so great, he should take the plunge - the kid will survive, especially if his dad is in a fulfilled relationship instead of alone and regretful
The letter writer made the right decision not to marry at this point in his complicated life. It is not fair to the toddler besides he needs some time to heal after the divorce and become acquainted with who he is now that he no longer is married and is alone again after many years as a couple.
children have to come first for divorcing parents, everyone who has been there will confirm that - this man is right to put his son's stability ahead of his romantic desires
kids are no. 1, every one knows this - the woman knows this too so she will realize what high integrity the man has and wait for him to be ready to give her a child too
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