Rodger—
I am a cliché. That is I am a 39-year-old divorced woman who would like to get married. I have gotten serious with a 42-year-old man who I would like to marry and he would like to marry me. The problem is that he has never been married before and my friends all tell me that marrying someone who is that old and has never been married before is taking a big risk because he must be incapable of committing to someone. Are they right?
A Cliché
Dear Cliché ~
Your friends are absolutely right. Marrying someone in his 40s who has never been married before means taking a big risk.
They’d also be right if they said marrying someone who’s already been divorced once is taking a big risk because he might divorce you, too.
They’d also be right if they said marrying someone who is widowed is taking a big risk because you might never come up to the standards of his dead wife.
In other words, there’s a big risk involved in committing to pretty much anyone, regardless of which category the person fits into. If you’re ready to commit & he’s ready to commit & you have no other hesitations except the label he wears, buy yourself a pair of Nikes & then “just do it.”
Rodger
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5 comments:
This is right. All these women I dated say if I a man is older than 29 and has not been married there must be something wrong with him but why is it so wrong to get your career settled on the right track before you start the focus on your personal life. Men dont have that biologic time clock to keep them up worrying all night. Our seed is as good at 40 as it is at 20.
Your point is well taken: there is always uncertainty when you begin any relationship.
My dating experience still tells me though that with men older than 40 the best prospects are the men who have already been married once and divorced. Not twice divorced though because that becomes looking like a pattern of problems.
The stereotypes men have about women in their 30s and older are even worse than these. A woman who is still single is not worth any man having. A woman who is divorced is impossible to live with. A woman who is a widow is too depressed to live with.
Yes, whenever anyone walks down the isle she is taking a big risk. Too many people though are too afraid of doing that and thereby doom themselves to lives of loneliness. Take the risk!
you're right - chicks overthink everything they can
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