Dear Rodger:
My husband has been having a hard time getting the kind of job he deserves to have. He has a master’s degree in human resources so he has the credentials that are required for a responsible job in that field. He has sent out a bunch of resumes, though, but has not been successful. So right now he is working at Starbucks.
This situation is fine with me because I know he is trying and it isn’t like he is staying at home eating Doritos while I work. He and I have talked about his job hunting strategy and I agree with it.
My parents have a very different take. They don’t say anything to him, but they are constantly telling me that he needs to try harder to find a better job. They say he should quit Starbucks and devote all his time to finding a real job. I tell them that he is applying for jobs and I support his strategy but they keep complaining to me about him.
I am very tired of hearing my parents complain about the man I love when I think he is doing the best he can. Am I doing the right thing?
Trying to do the right thing
Dear Trying to do the right thing ~
You are right on two counts & wrong on one. You are right to have talked with your husband about a job-hunting strategy, & you are right to support him in that strategy.
You are wrong, however, in continuing to listen to your parents complain about your husband. You need to remind them that you agree with what your husband is doing. Then you need to stop listening to them. That means that if they start complaining, tell them you’re not willing to listen to them. If they keep talking, tell them you’re either walking away (if you’re with them) or you’re hanging up (if you’re on the phone with them).
You & your husband are going through a difficult time. You will face more challenges in your marriage, & you need to talk to each other & then support each other—this time as well as in the future.
Rodger
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7 comments:
This wife definitely needs to set bounds on her parents. That is not always easy to do though when they already have criticism of your husband I know.
So many parents are living back in the days when they think that as long as you have the right training or experience for a particular field you should have your pick of jobs and if you do not get a job then something is wropng with you. They have no idea how tough the job market today is.
If you think there are alot of people now struggling to find jobs, make sure you get out tomorrow and vote for Obama. He will fix the economic situation and get us started in a new direction after 8 years of nightmare policies of the Republicans.
It seems to me like the parents would like the fact that the husband was working somewhere instead of just sitting around waiting for a job. Maybe this is just there excuse to criticeze the husband because they do not like him for other reasons they will not be honest about.
every young wife gets caught in this trap with the husband in one camp and the parents in the other. she eventually has to side with her husband but it can be very, very hard. at least in this situation the girl described it sounds like she agrees with the husband, or else that is just easier because she has to be with him in the same house while the parents are some distant away.
This is the right advice. If the husband and parents are at odds the wife has to side with the husband if she can and in this case she definitely can. Though it is still hard to set boundaries on parents.
it always seems like the wife is having to do the blancing and the accommodating - never the husband
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