Rodger –
I have always been a touchy feely type. I am the kind of girl who automatically hugs a friend or coworker when I see them. Sometimes I will gently stroke someone on the back, other times I will rest my hand on the other person’s arm. None of this is in an aggressive or inappropriate way. I am just a toucher.
The problem is that my boyfriend does not like to touch in public. He is fine with cuddling and canoodling, etc. when we are at his place or my place, but if I try to hold hands with him or even touch his arm while we are out to dinner or waiting in line at a movie, he instantly pulls away and sometimes even scowls at me.
My friends tell me I should change my behavior. They like my boyfriend a lot and say that he is so good for me in so many ways that I should adjust to this one little thing. But I am not sure because touching has always been such a big part of me.
Toucher
Dear Toucher ~
In addition to touching your boyfriend, have you ever considered talking to him?
If everything else about your relationship feels right, as you claim, that means you should be able to talk with your boyfriend about what’s bothering you—if you can't talk to him about this, then you’ve got a much bigger problem than different preferences about public displays of affection.
My suggestion is that you tell your boyfriend, calmly but directly, that touching in public is important to you & then ask him if there’s some reason why he prefers not to have contact of that kind. I won’t speculate as to what that reason might be, but maybe there is one. (OK, one suggestion: Maybe he hates the word “canoodling” as much as I do, & therefore doesn’t want to be accused of doing it in public.)
If his reason makes sense to you, maybe you will indeed have to adjust as your friends suggest. But first have the conversation.
Rodger
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5 comments:
Great advice, as usual. Sometimes it seems like you would just want to yell at these people the one word: TALK!!! But i like the way that instead you prod them to talk wtihout screaming the way I know I would if I were you.
If this guy is so skittish that he "scowls" at his girlfriend when all seh does is touch his arm he has serious problems that cannot be resolved no matter how much talking they do.
Im pretty sure I understand where this guy is coming from. As a matter of fact I think many girls would say I am like him. I dont like it when a GF is in public with me and hangs all over me. I would probably be okay wtih a touch on the arm but definitely not so okay with kissing or even holding hands that I think is too cheesy.
i totally relate to the BF. i don't like people touching me either--ever! it's a little different if the person is a relative or somebody i know really well, but even then . . .
all these people talking about not wanting anyone to touch them is kind of freaky - ok i can see not liking strangers to touch you but this girl is talking about her boyfriend not some random stranger
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