Too Geeky for Words

Rodger,

My name is Mary Lou and I am 28. I have been dating for many years and have learned a lot. I am now at that point where it is time to settle down but one of the things I have learned is that you cannot change another person. Which is why I have a problem.

I am dating a guy named Jim who has a lot going for him (good education and job, very sensitive). The problem is, he is a total and complete geek. Not in how he interacts with people or in his social life, but in how he dresses and grooms himself (if you can call wearing his hair long and scraggly “grooming”). I have broached the subject but he just shrugs his shoulders and says things like “I don’t care how I look” and “I’m not going to waste my time shopping or spending all day in some beauty parlor.”

I am no Kate Hudson in the beauty department, but I care about how I look and need a guy I’m not embarrassed to be seen with.

Is it time for me to move on?

Girl with a Geek


Dear Girl with a Geek ~

You’re right when you say “you cannot change another person,” but that’s really only relevant to fundamental changes such as trying to turn a cab driver into a brain surgeon or a small-town mayor into the Vice President of the United States (oops! Too political for my first answer. Sorry. Couldn’t help myself!)

Jim doesn’t need to be changed, he just needs a personal shopper & a stylist. And both of their names are Mary Lou.

I’d start slow by, say, giving him a tasteful shirt from Banana Republic for his birthday or some holiday, such as Valentine’s Day. If that goes well, move on to a few more items of clothing & then—once you have his confidence—a one-hour session with a hair stylist.

It won’t be easy. Before the hair styling, for example, you’ll need to take some photos of Jim & his scraggly hair to the stylist ahead of time so he knows what he’s working with.

Considering all the things you say Jimbo has going for him (educated, sensitive, etc.), he’s well worth the investment.

Rodger