To Out or Not to Out?

Dear Rodger,

I’m queer and my best friend in the world is a straight girl name of Christy. She has been dating this guy named Connor for about four months and she is totally smitten with him.

The trouble is that I know that Connor is gay but Christy is totally clueless. She thinks it is cute that his number one hobby is collecting Barbie dolls and that he uses more and better cosmetics than she does.

Should I tell her that Connor is queer? Or should I just keep quiet and prepare to offer her a shoulder to cry on when she finds out on her own?

To Tell or Not to Tell


Dear Tell ~

Tell her.

Be gentle by saying something like, “Christy, I feel like there’s something I need to say to you because I’m your friend & friends need to be honest.”

Make sure she understands that you’re not telling her what to do, only that you feel a need to share some observations.

Besides needing to talk to her because you want to help her avoid heartache, you pretty much have to talk to her because of the scenario that’s likely to play out if you don’t. That is, when she finds out that Connor is a ho-ho, she’ll immediately ask you if you knew. If you tell her the truth, she’ll likely feel betrayed that you didn’t share your observations with her earlier.

Also, are you absolutely sure Connor the Cosmetic Connoisseur is queer? I mean, I totally agree with you that the Barbie doll & cosmetics fetishes are solid evidence. But, then again, metrosexuals can be awfully fey but still have a yen for va-j-js.

(No, I’m not telling you to put Connor to the test by going to bed with him—you little slut! I’m just saying you need to lay out the evidence to Christy without jumping to conclusions.)

Rodger