Dear Rodger,
I am having a problem with something my BF does. My belief is that it is important to be punctual, so I always arrive at a place at least 15 minutes before I’m supposed to. My BF is always 15 minutes late. I have learned to put up with this myself but when we plan to meet other people and he is so late, they get irritated because they think he does it on purpose so he can make a grand entrance or that he is disrespecting them.
Punctual but Frustrated
Dear Punctual ~
One of the things that those of us who are in committed, based-on-honesty, always- determined-to-be-truthful, never-be-anything-but-up-front relationships learn is that, from time to time, we have to . . . lie.
Well, maybe “lie” is too strong of a word. The better choice may be “manipulate.”
No, that’s not quite the right word either. So I’ll skip the label & get to what to do.
If you set a time of, say 7 p.m., to meet up with friends, tell your BF 6:45.
That’s the practical part. On the larger issue of principle, your decision to lie or manipulate or whatever you want to call it is fully justified if you really like this person & simply accept his tardiness as one little (slightly irritating) idiosyncrasy of his.
Rodger
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5 comments:
this advice is totally wrong. if a guy is always late he has no respect for other people. there is no way that the girl should compensate for him by telling him that they are supposed to be some place earlier than they really are. that is enableing and that is absolutely unacceptable to allow in a relationship.
the advice rodger gave is absolutely dead on right - if you are going to break up with a guy because he is constantly late you are going to spend your life alone - and by that i do not mean a girl should bend over backwards to compensate for a guy's faults - half my friends (or more than half) are consistently late when we agree to meet - i do not dump my friends because of that and i would not dump a guy either
The commenter Nancy is completely off base. Something as minor as a person being late (even if it happens all the time) is not a big deal at all. Rodger's advice is not totally wrong but totally right.
this Nancy chick is an idiot - a rigid idiot
Every BF I have ever had has routinely been late. I have come to expect it and so have most of my friends. The idea of telling them the time to meet is 15 minutes or 20 minutes earlier than it really is is standard procedure for me and has been for years. I certainly would not consider this to be unacceptable the way the commenter Nancy says unless the guy was always maybe 2 hours later or longer.
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