Dear Rodger ~
I have been dating a guy for about two months. I’m not saying he’s the love of my life, but things are definitely moving along nicely.
Just last night, though, we watched a TV show that prompted him to go into a long, intense rant about how outraged he is about people having plastic surgery for cosmetic reasons. He said that it is fine for someone who was disfigured in a car accident or because of a disease, but other than that he thinks it is “indefensible” for anyone to be vain enough to have plastic surgery.
The trouble is, I had plastic surgery when I was younger. I was 18 and self-conscious about my nose being pointy. So I had it worked on. I went to a high school where a lot of girls had work done, so it was not a big deal in my world.
Now it is more than a decade later and I have my own misgivings about plastic surgery. But I obviously also have misgivings about telling my boyfriend or I would have done it last night. I guess part of my thinking is that I do not see how he would ever find out about my early nose job, so why should I tell him about something that is ancient history?
Girl With the Cute Nose
Dear Girl With the Cute Nose ~
Long-term, fulfilling relationships go through three stages that I summarize with the words: honeymoon, disappointment & success.
Telling your boyfriend about your plastic surgery is part of your transition from the first stage to the second. Hearing this news will probably be disappointing to him, but not a deal breaker. And if the revelation does cause him to stop dating you, I’m not so sure he’s worth keeping anyway. In other words, if he can’t acknowledge how an 18-year-old can make a decision that she later regrets, he doesn’t clear the "being understanding bar."
As for exactly how to tell him, show him the letter you wrote me. It tells the story well: You did something at an early age that you might or might not do today.
Indeed, your nose job experience is a whole new take on freshman forgiveness.
Rodger
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4 comments:
i don't agree with this advice - if the guy has no way of finding out about something that happened before they met and the girl knows he's going to have a negative reaction when he hears about it i think it's pointless to tell him
Rodger is right, Shannon is wrong. There is no reason why a woman should not tell the man she is dating about something she did in the distant paxt that she probably would not do now. If you start holding back about telling him about something like this then you will keep holding back bigger and bigger things that are really important to express to the person you are involved with.
Take it from me because I tried it, you do not want to start down the road of keeping things from your significant other about your past. They will either surface or eat away at you to the point that you will regret having not told him from the beginning.
She definitely should tell him about the plaxstic surgery. If he is angry about something she did 10 years ago, she needs to know that now so she does not waste any more time with a guy who is so rigid.
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