Dear Rodger:
Jeff and I have been dating for nine months. I not only enjoy being with him but he also possesses all of the traits that I want in a guy.
The one thing that I object to is his parents. They call him a minimum of two times a day—EVERY day. They call at 8 a.m. to make sure he is awake and getting ready for work. Then they call again at 6 p.m. to make sure he is going to have a good dinner.
They also fly in the first weekend of every month—EVERY month—solely to spend the weekend with Jeff. They treat me fine when they visit, which is nice. But I think they are too much involved in Jeff’s life. He is 34 and I fear that if they are still insisting on taking care of him this much now, they are not going to let go if we get married.
Let the Boy Go
Dear Let the Boy Go~
Your problem can be solved with one tiny little word change. That is, instead of signing your letter “Let the Boy Go,” you should have signed it “Let the Parents Go.”
In other words, I don’t see this as a problem of the parents needing to let their boy go as much as a problem of the boy needing to let his parents go.
At 34, Jeff is all grown up and should be ready to cut the mommy & daddy strings. You need to sit down with the “boy” and communicate this to him. It takes both possessive parents and a complicit son to continue this sort of relationship. Jeff should set the limits that his parents will then have no choice but to accept—limits such as (1) no more than three phone calls a week & (2) no more than four weekend visits a year.
Rodger
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6 comments:
I agree that parents calling a son two times a day may be too much, but I think it is very sweet that parents come see their son every month when he lives far away from them. Children and parents can both benefit from maintaining consistent contact.
Seems to me like this fellow has it damned good. His parents come to town once a month and probably take him to dinner and buy him clothes and groceries. He does not even have to buy a alarm clock because his parents call him every a.m.!
this guys being so dependent on his parents is a HUGE red flag. if he stops expecting his parents to do all this stuff for him he will start expecting the GF to do it instead. trouble here.
the advice you gave the girl here is not going to be received well by the boy. he is going to want though to keep his parents doing this shit for him--who wouldnt?
this dude has it good - my guess is if that if the GF tells him to stop depending on the rents he will want her to take over where they leave off
The women who comment on this blog are ridiculous. They are so tough on men that it is no wander they cannot get a man. Why cant they blame the mans parents for clinging to their son instead of calling the man disfunctionally dependent?
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